Lifetime Warranty?

There was a break-in at my house. My computer was stolen. I had informed the police and they were on their way. I was surveying the house, trying to figure out what else was stolen when a tall blonde man in a black suit entered through my broken door.

“Mr Hastings?” he asked.

I replied in the affirmative.

“Your computer. It’s not there anymore, is it?”

“No. No, it isn’t. You see sir there’s been a break-in and –“

“Your grandfather. He signed a contract with us.”

“A contract?”

Two more men, one dressed in a navy blue suit, the other in a grey suit, entered the room. The man in the black suit nodded to them.

“These are my associates. They will explain everything to you.”

“Hullo, Mr Hastings. Not a great day is it?” said the man in the grey suit.

Blue suit nudged him with his elbow. The man continued.

“Uhm — er — sorry yeah. So your grandfather. Yes, what a pleasant old man eh.”

The other men gave him a sharp look.

“Yes, yes, yes. You see, he purchased a lifetime warranty covering each –“

“And everything,” I said. “Yes, he did tell me about that. Cost him a fortune. He said you guys never stuck to your word. Frauds that’s what he called you.”

The man in the grey suit shrugged. Black suit said, “Your grandfather. He didn’t quite understand our terms.”

“We offered to cover each and everything concerning the computer. But he didn’t get it,” said the guy in the blue suit.

Police sirens wailed in the distance. The men shifted uneasily. Blue suit reached inside his coat pocket and slammed a check on the table.

“This covers the price of your computer. Deprecation and all that included,” he said.

Police sirens grew closer.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to take leave sir,” Black suit said. They exited the room swiftly. The police were almost there. The insurance men hurried to their car and drove away.

I glanced at the check. Five dollars. That’s what the amount was.

“What a family of suckers we are,” I wondered aloud.

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